Einstein Parenting

‎"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." — Albert Einstein

It's important to know the differing abilities within our children--and how they differ from us. It's important to encourage and challenge them to take on difficult tasks and persevere through tasks they may not like or enjoy. But it's also important to recognize their gifts that we may not naturally encourage. If you're an athlete, you may tend to overlook your son's artistic abilities. If you're a bookworm, you may push reading (which is good), but neglect your daughter's gift with tools. Search for the genius in your child.

Sesame Street: Celebrity Lullabies

I don't normally post videos, but this one both the parents and kids can enjoy (at least we all do in my family--my 4-year old can't stop laughing during it).

The Best Day Ever

We arose shortly after 6am this morning (not an easy feat to get the boys up early, but they did well). Then we headed to the Mall of America (one of my least favorite places to be). So why do these things I don't like to do on a Saturday (getting up early and going to the mall)? It was all in the name of supporting family friends of ours and their son (Anders' "first best friend") who has Type I Diabetes (diagnosed last spring right after turning 6). Were were a part of "Noah's Needle Ninjas" at the JDRF Walk to Cure Diabetes. It was never a question to not be there.

We spent a while walking around the mall, then waiting for the Lego store to open (which is the only reason the Mall of America exists to us--and our friends' kids happen to be Lego-maniacs as well). We also got to enjoy lunch with their family which was a wonderful way to end the morning--we love time together.

This afternoon we decided to take in The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader at a local cheap theater we hadn't gotten to explore yet (we loved the mod look of The Riverview). It was the first time we've all gotten to go to the theater together in almost two years (which Nils was too young back then to sit through a movie), and it was nice to enjoy it all together. On the way there Anders declared, "This is the best day ever." Yeah, I guess helping good friends work to end juvenile diabetes and enjoying a movie together on a snowy day is a good way to spend a Saturday.

Sledding on the Plains

This last weekend the boys and I went to my parents' house in Iowa for the weekend for my dad's 60th birthday. One of the things we like to do on the farm in the winter is sled behind the tractor since our hills are long and gradual and not great for sledding. Dad went into town to track down a hood off an old vehicle to use; he found one from an old truck that wasn't the most ideal, but it worked. It got tied behind the tractor and placed upside down. Several layers of blankets were put on top of it along with some ropes to hold onto. With the grandkids he'd go slower, with the adults faster (fast enough to try and get people to fall off--and fast enough that they returned with a several-inch layer of snow). It was beautiful weather for it (if anything, a bit too warm, making us all wet).

Identity

Confession: I think I'm struggling some with my identity (again).

I remember over the years encountering stay-at-home moms who were having similar feelings: not knowing who they were because society didn't put value on them without a paying job. Whenever people meet you or get to know you the first question is: "What do you do?" Admittedly, it's not always easy "I'm a stay-at-home dad."

Part of it is not knowing what's next. I've been in ministry, but we've bought a house so we're not likely to move anytime too soon--and mobility is often needed in finding a job in ministry. And I'm not sure what else to do. Part of me would like to write, but I know it's a long shot to make it as a writer.

No matter, the issue isn't so much about what I do--as long as I do what I'm doing to the best of my ability. The issue is about knowing who I am. And I know who I am (most of the time): a dad, a husband, a sinner & a saint, beloved by God and much more. Sometimes I just need those reminders. Sometimes I need to remember that my worth isn't in what I do but in who I am. Maybe we all need those reminders.

The Winter Carnival

On the way to the zoo today (we hadn't been out for a while and wanted to get some warmth in the conservatory), we decided to take a slight detour and check out the snow sculptures at the fairgrounds from the Winter Carnival. It was a bitter freezing day, so we didn't spend a lot of time looking around, but Nils had fun going through the snow maze. We hope to go back before everything is gone. On a nice winter day, it's a fun place to check out.

The Tom Sawyer sculpture.

Nils trying to find an exit in the snow maze (we found it!--he wanted to go back through it again).

The favorites: A triceratops and a couple T-Rexes.

Hurray for the Library

I love the library. Even though I like to buy books, I like to go to the library. I like to explore new books, we "rent" all of our videos there and we love the fact that we can go to several museums and zoos for free.

My schedule for watching my niece and nephew changed a little, so now i have Fridays free, so the past two weeks I've taken Nils to the library for story time in the morning. Though Nils doesn't really talk while he's there and I have to move his arms for him to the actions of the songs (which is what he wants to happen), he enjoys going. Whenever I ask him if he wants to go to story time, it's an enthusiastic yes. We've attended story times at several libraries over the years. Each is different. Generally there are stories (surprise, surprise!), songs and finger rhymes. We've seen videos, colored pictures and made crafts.

We've only been in our neighborhood for just over half a year, but most of the librarians know me and Nils by now. It's nice to have a place where you're recognized. Even last summer, right after we moved in, there was a boy at the library who took to my boys and always wanted to hang out with them if they were there.

I also love that my kids are readers. The library fosters that. Nils loves that they have wooden "puzzles" and comic books. Anders loves the comic books and dinosaur books. They both love when there are fun videos checked in (we don't have cable, but they've gotten to know The Wonder Pets, Backyardigans and Batman: Brave and the Bold).

So invest in your local library if you haven't. Get to a story time if it works into your family's schedule (some libraries--like the one near us in British Columbia--even had pajama story time in the evening).

More from Kevin Leman

Here's Dr. Keven Leman's Top Ten Countdown to Having a New Kid by Friday:

1. Be 100% consistent in your behavior
2. Always follow through on what you say you will do.
3. Respond, don't react.
4. Count to 10 and ask yourself, "What would my old self do in this situation? What should the new me do?"
5. Never threaten your kids.
6. Never get angry. (When you do get angry, apologize quickly.)
7. Don't give any warnings. (If you warn your child, you're saying, "You're stupid. I have to tell you twice.")
8. Ask yourself, "Whose problem is this?" (Don't own what isn't yours.)
9. Don't think the misbehavior will go away.
10. Keep a happy face on, even when you want to...do something else. (Taken from p. 289 of Have a New Kid by Friday)

Hopefully, some of those grabbed your attention to implement with your kids. I encourage you to pick up his book to find out more of what those mean and how to put them into practice.

Have A New Kid by Friday

If you haven't read a book by Dr. Kevin Leman, I encourage you to do so. He's been our go-to-guy for issues of parenting, relationships and marriage. My wife used a video series of his back when she was leading a moms' group, and it was very insightful.

So, when we were having a recent bout of the battle-of-wills in our house, we finally decided to get a copy of Have a New Kid by Friday from the library. It's a wonderful book--I actually just ordered used copy online. Basically, I only wouldn't recommend reading the book if you're completely happy with your child's behavior all the time or if you're not willing to put any effort into parenting. The book is laid out in five easy chapters (Monday - Friday) that give steps for preparing to change your household.

Monday: Observe your household. Ask yourself what areas in your relationship with your child are most troublesome. Decide where you'd like things to be. Be willing to act and stand by it.

Tuesday: Look at attitudes, behavior and character (yours and the kids). Realize that the kids are getting their behaviors from somewhere, and their parents are the most logical source. Be willing to change your actions.

Wednesday: Evaluate your parenting style (authoritarian, permissive or authoritative/responsible) and how your child responds to your style. Look at steps you can take to be more balanced in your style.

Thursday: Look at Acceptance (unconditional), Belonging (emphasizing it within your family) and Competence (spurring them on). Stop praising your child (which links their worth to their actions) and invest more in encouraging them.

Friday: Evaluate your plan and where you want to get to. Think through how you usually respond and how you intend to now. Do it.

The bulk of the book looks at specific issues (from bed wetting to manners to fashion), helping work through how to approach them.

That may be a trite summary, but I hope it encourages you to check the book out if you want to improve your relationship with your kids. You're in control--make your home a place where everyone enjoys being.

Wanting Some Attention

Nils [coming down long after being in bed]: I had a dream.

Me: Have you been asleep yet?

Nils: No.

Me: Then it wasn't a dream.

[long pause]

Nils: I had an idea...