Adjusting

We're in our new house. The move went fairly well. We had a lot of great help. Most of our family was here, too, so we celebrated Anders birthday a few weeks early. It was good to have the cousins around as it gave the boys something to do while we were loading and unloading boxes.

The boys have done pretty well with the move, but of course, they're still adjusting a lot. It's a very different neighborhood than we've been in before, we've got a lot more space (and yard) to run around in and they don't really know anyone around us yet--all their friends are a few miles away.

My father also treated them to ice cream treats while he was here. That's trouble since they now are keenly aware what that music means when the trucks start coming down the street. And come down the street, they sure do. On one day we might see three or four different trucks and most come by twice. Thankfully, my wallet has been empty, so it's a good excuse.

We've found a couple free wading pools in nearby parks, so we're excited to have those available this summer. We've found to our local library--which is within an easy bike ride. It's also very different than our library we used to go to, providing new things to explore. It's also a completely different culture in the city. That in itself will is going to provide a lot of life lessons and teachable moments. But isn't that what parenting is about?

Stay-at-Home Sinner

An old friend of mine from high school and college sent me a video last week from Pastor Mark Driscoll. To sum it up, if you don't have the time to watch it, Driscoll and his wife answer a question about what they think of a woman who works and a husband who stays home with the kids. The condemn a dad who's not working because of 1 Timothy 5:8 which says, "If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."

Of course, if you look at the rest of the passage, Paul is talking about taking care of widows. And, of course, women couldn't even get much work back then. Plus, what does it mean to provide fo your family? Is it just about making money? Because a lot of people in ancient culture didn't earn actual money. But all that is beside the point. Yes, I'm a sinner. But I don't think that taking care of my kids and my household is the worst of my transgressions.

This isn't the first time I've been told I'm not doing the right thing by not being the "breadwinner" for my family. And it probably won't be the last. But for the most part, people are very supportive of my career right now.

Let's face it--there are plenty of dads out there who aren't involved with their families at all. And just as many who aren't involved in household chores. And while I believe it's important for a parent to stay at home and raise their children, that was a lifestyle choice we made for ourselves. We don't judge others who are working. Staying at home isn't for everyone. It's a tough job and it takes the right personality to balance it all.

Driscoll also talks a lot about how the man needs to work and the wife needs to stay home with the kids in order for there to be respect, happiness and a successful marriage. We've done it both ways where I've worked and where I've stayed home. And frankly, our marriage is the best it's ever been. We're both happier than we've ever been (of course, some of the therapy and counseling we finally got around to having may have a part in that).

Needless to say, we all make our own decisions and we all try and do what we think is best. There will always be the nay-sayers. But our job is to always act on our conscience. And to be the best dad and husband we can be.

Keep up the good work!

Child Tax Credits = Homemaker's Salary?

I got paid earlier this week. At least that's what I like to think of our tax refund as. Child tax credits = homemaker salary? Not a great salary, but better than nothing.

I'm not one of the lucky ones who is able to work from home while doing this stay-at-home dad role. I'm looking (though, admittedly, not to the best of my abilities) for something I can do to bring a little extra money in while staying at home. It seems like you kind of need to already be in a company that lets you do that or be a web designer or graphic artist. Maybe something will come along someday.

Sometimes that can be the toughest part of this role--the feeling that you're not contributing. It's silly, of course. Homemakers contribute plenty. More than society acknowledges. Still, our contributions don't pay the bills. Maybe they enable us to be more frugal or cut down on expenses (such as day care or eating out), but there are always bills to be paid.

Admittedly, I'm still learning how to manage my time the best. Sometimes I make great use of it; sometimes I waste it frivolously. Plus, there's that balance between getting things done and spending time with the children in ways that doesn't accomplish anything other than pretending and imagining (which, can accomplish quite a lot, actually).

So, I still don't have much extra income yet. I'll keep exploring ways to make that change. Still, I've at least got some good bosses.

Making the Most out of Dishes, Laundry and Other Tasks

My friend John recently was ruminating on his blog about shoveling snow and other tasks. He said there tend to be four mindsets we find ourselves with while doing such tasks. Here's his list:

1. Resentful: why is not someone else (i.e. child, partner, roommate) doing this it is their turn.
2. Tired: I just want to get through this and go to bed.
3. Happy: Oh joy I get to wash more dishes (I have never experienced this one)
4. Meditative: using the physical movement as a way to center your body to free your mind to wander where it may. (His is my definition; not necessarily the proper definition.)

My goal when I do the mundane work around the house is to use that time wisely--ultimately to have focused meditation/prayer. I all too often get distracted by unproductive thoughts or I just forget to spend the time being focused--I got at it simply to get the job done. Or I turn on the TV/CD player/radio so it's not so quiet.

I do think that the daily routines of life are meant to be gifts to us, but we often treat them as a pain in the rear. I think they're meant to be gifts that give us the time to gather our thoughts or have a spiritual minute in our day. I think they're meant to be gifts that provide us with opportunities to reflect, plan or just have some time where we don't have to think. Maybe we're not able to be alone during those tasks, but they give us opportunities to teach our children how to do them and how to be diligent workers. Or they're just some time to talk--whether with a child or a spouse.

So, I admit I fail at making the most of these moments the majority of the time. I know I need to go into them with discipline to use the time as I desire and not let things distract me or let myself be unproductive. Developing my self-discipline is part of that.

How about you? Are there things you do to make the most of those routine tasks?