A Confession of Frustration

Confession: I was not a good parent today.

I yelled at my kids this morning. First for me having to tell them more than once to put their swim suits on for swimming lessons. Then for not clearing their spots at the table after having told them to do so. (We've been working on only having to tell them something once. We haven't had the greatest success yet).

Then I got extremely frustrated with my 4 1/2 year old at swim lessons. We're at the end of them (8 days of lessons). He hasn't done anything. Granted, when I called in, I didn't know the difference between the levels very well and signed them both up for a class that was too easy for them, so he may just be bored. And the water has been colder this last week. But he was also playing in it before the lifeguards came out to teach. And at that point he would only stand on the side and shiver. Yesterday one of the teachers saw that he could actually swim (fairly well)for the first time. So I've been frustrated with wasting my money and my time as well as his opportunity.

So I've been a bit on edge the rest of the day. A bit of the short fuse when dealing with the neighbor kids playing here. A bit short with my boys when they've asked to do something.

I think I'm also anxious because I'm looking for some work for this fall as our youngest is going to do pre-kindergarten (actually Children's House at his brother's Montessori school). I'm trying to find something that will be flexible with the school schedule and still pays decent enough to help pay those new bills. One of the things I'm looking into is substitute teaching, but I'm awaiting the state to process my license before I can do much with applying at the schools. And I have this fear that it'll take a while because of the government shut down last month (which is also why I haven't been able to apply for the license earlier this summer). Finding a job is never easy--but especially in today's economy. So that adds some pressure.

Which all points to me needing some time to take care of myself. Maybe a bike ride is in order for tonight. Or a concert in the park. Or both. Something to help so my kids don't need to be afraid of me tomorrow.